WHAT IS SMARTPHONE ETIQUETTE -- RUDE CELL PHONE BEHAVIOR, 2023.
Is this you?
According to a recent survey by the Pew Research Center, 85% of us own a smartphone -- which, in my unstudied opinion, makes people 85% ruder than ever. In my own unscientific survey, the percent of Americans who get annoyed at the way other people are using the phone is 100.
The invention of the cell phone was a communications game changer. No longer limited to the stationary landlines of the past, the public is now free to wander the globe with relatively inexpensive and powerful technology that enables conversations to continue in almost every circumstance imaginable. Did you foolishly think, even for a moment, that the public would embrace the logical etiquette attached to this technology, or did you know, like me, that they would find novel ways to irritate, provoke, and offend the world at large? Spoiler alert – they did. Here is a great article about cellphone etiquette!
Cell phone etiquette, like most etiquette, is very much a “do unto others” sort of thing. If you are concerned about the feelings of other people, you will do your best not to abuse the privilege that comes attached to using a mobile phone. However, if you are not clear on the abuses, here they are now in order of public menace, irritation, and plain common sense.
SHE COULD CARE LESS ABOUT YOU!
RUDE CELL PHONE BEHAVIOR -- TOP FIFTEEN OUTRAGEOUS BEHAVIORS!
1. Using your phone while driving. This goes to the top of the list, naturally, since this practice literally kills other people, which, obviously, is rude. State laws are everywhere, but enforcement is spotty. If you are texting and driving, you deserve whatever the law decides to throw at you. Turn your phone off and drive.Click here for cellphone driving laws!
2. Using your cell phone or texting while walking down the street, biking, skiing, rollerblading, running, or any other activity that requires your full attention. Just like #1, people can get hurt, so put your phone away. If you need to talk/text, pull over, get off, stop, or do whatever you need to do to keep the rest of the public out of the emergency room.
3. Screaming into your phone. For God’s sake, no one wants to hear one half of a tedious dialogue about whatever, let alone at uncomfortable decibels. If you converse too loudly -- STFU! Find a private place for your private conversations, or, at the very least, keep it short, sister. Even better, use your thumbs – it’s why God invented texting.
ETIQUETTE NOTE: USE YOUR PHONE CONSIDERATELY!
4. Obsessively checking your phone in public. When it comes to rude cell phone behavior, is there anything worse than cell phone users who are constantly looking, taping, swiping, and checking, when they should be paying attention to the actual people that are right next to them? Do you really need to stay connected, take selfies, listen to voice messages, and swipe, swipe, swipe at the dinner table, on a date night, or at a social gathering? Face-to-face conversation depends on...oh, I don't know...your face?
5. Foul language. Okay, girl, you are angry! But do you really have to say things like @#!@ and #$@! at the top of your lungs on public transportation, in malls, restaurants, etc.? It's rude! Don't you have a shred of common sense? Screaming profanities at smartphones in front of other people is unacceptable! How would you feel if you had children, and someone was using inappropriate language in front of them? Silent mode also means YOU.
6. Texting in movie theaters. We go to the movies to get lost in a story, not to be constantly distracted by someone tap-tap-taping out idiotic messages on their phone. Using cell phones during a movie is selfish, and annoying -- and should probably lead to expulsion and public shaming. You should probably also avoid your phone at the theatre, in the hospital, during lectures, at places of worship, in public libraries, during concerts (especially classical ones), and any other public event where the use of your phone would create a distraction.
USING YOUR MOBILE PHONE IN PUBLIC, PAYING FOR PURCHASES
7. Paying for purchases while texting or talking. You are waiting in line at the register and in all likelihood, I am directly behind you imagining how much I would love to grab your cellphone and throw it into the nearest trashcan. This antisocial behavior is offensive on several levels. You are holding up the line, annoying people with your conversation, and treating the cashier like a second-class citizen. Repeat after me: it is unacceptable to use your mobile while at the cash register.
8. Listening to music without using headphones. Your taste in music is probably perfect for you and horrible for everyone else. Sure, that Cardi B song is at the top of the charts, but, frankly, it's also obscene and bothersome. You should always follow this helpful tip: you may only share your music in an appropriate group setting, i.e. a party at your house, in your car, with your friends, etc.
PUT YOUR PHONE ON "VIBRATE", OR AT THE VERY LEAST AVOID USING ANNOYING RINGTONES.
9. Annoying ringtones. Yes, you love it! Trust me when I say that you are probably the only one. A bad cell phone ringtone announces the taste and politeness of the user! Switch your phone to silent, vibrate, or find a ringtone that does not make a big musical statement, especially at a social event or on public transit.
PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY...NOW!
10. Using your phone at the dinner table in any way. If your attitude toward others in your family or friends is, like, whatever -- you are either thirteen and don't care what adults think, or you are unaware of basic etiquette guidelines. The rudeness of people using their cell phones at the dinner table is only equal to those who chew with their mouths agape or pick their noses during mass.
Using your phone in public restrooms? REALLY?
11. Men who use their phone at the urinal. We shouldn't have to talk about cell phone use and toilets, but, apparently, we do. Using your phone in public restrooms is mental. I don't even want to think about splash zones, hygiene, etc. Not to mention the fact that those little buggers have cameras and people are...well, exposed. Most restrooms have a privacy policy...or did you notice, you Neanderthal?
BONUS RUDNESS! DO YOU "USE YOUR PHONE" OR "ABUSE YOUR PHONE?"
1. People who don’t respond to a text message.
2. People who answer a text with only one word.
3. Filming live theatre events.
4. Oversharing on a group text, especially when you have nothing to say.
5. Voicemail is for old people – send a text, for God’s sake.
6. Calling someone and then not leaving a voicemail.
7. Taking photos at a museum.
8. Scrolling on someone else's phone without permission.
9. Blocking stairwells, crosswalks, entrances and exits, etc.
10. Using your phone to avoid personal conversations.
BONUS! HERE IS A SONG I WROTE FOR MY MUSICAL, "HOW RUDE" ABOUT CELLPHONES!
ACTOR
I JUST BOUGHT MYSELF THE BRAND NEW IPHONE
HOW I LOVE TO TALK WHEN I’M ON MY PHONE!
WHAD’YA SAY?
WHAT WAS THAT?
DUDE, ARE YOU JUST WAKING UP?
(to a stranger) I’M TALKING HERE, OKAY? LEAVE ME ALONE!
WHAD’YA SAY?
SORRY, WHAT?
ONE MORE TIME -- YOU'RE BREAKING UP.
YO, EVERYONE SHUT UP! I'M ON THE PHONE!
SHOULD I CALL OR SHOULD I TYPE?
SHOULD I DOWNLOAD, TEXT OR SWIPE?
IS IT BETTER IF WE DO THIS ON WHATSAPP?
CAN YOU RESEND ME THAT LAST TWEET?
I CAN'T HEAR, I'M ON THE STREET,
GOD, I THINK I LOST AN EARBUD,
HOLY CRAP!
WHAD’YA SAY?
WHAT WAS THAT?
BRO, YOU’RE CUTTING IN AND OUT,
SAY, LADY, TELL YOUR KIDS THAT I CAN’T HEAR!
SAY AGAIN?
WHERE YOU AT?
SORRY, DAWG, I GOTTA SHOUT
WITH ALL THESE LOSERS SCREAMING IN MY EAR!
NOW, I’M ON AN ELEVATOR,
THE RECEPTION COULD BE GREATER,
SO, I’LL HAVE TO CALL YOU LATER, DUDE.
‘CAUSE THE SIGNAL HERE IS SPOTTY
AND THIS TELEPHONE IS SHODDY,
AND THE PEOPLE HERE ARE SNOTTY
AND COMPLETELY RUDE!
SHUT UP!
